Second shot of life – After Meeting my Counselor Suman at Sanjivini mental illness hospital

According to my observation and my constant effort to make my life little better space for me, I have come to the conclusion that: There is only a fine line between sanity and insanity.

Here I was, a smart, promising young girl who suddenly had mental issues.

Earlier I was a girl who was funny, carefree and with a riot of emotions stirring inside me. It all came crashing down and it felt like the Pandora’s Box had opened up.

Then came an unexpected friend …  a friend of a friend who realized that there is something really wrong with me and I need professional help.

She took an appointment, she took me to the counselor and she was following up with me and my counselor too. She was the first person who held my hand and took me there.

A tiny ray of hope

I met my counselor this year in March. We sat together, we chatted. She assured that the worst that could happen had already happened. There was nothing that could harm me more. There were mostly reassuring words of hope and faith. I think I owed my second shot at life. Meanwhile, my few friends kept me alive.

They truly cared.It is indeed amazing how words and kindness have the power to heal, perhaps much more than medication.

During this timeframe, I found someone who was not only supportive but very confident that I would get better soon. It was his unwavering faith in me that gave me the courage to follow my prescribed therapy without any breaks.

The last Friday I attended my counseling and I am still on it but now I am definitely feeling better than before.

Every day, I get up

I remember I had a happy and content life.

I want it back.

It was the first time during this span of getting into sadness and coming out from it I actually noticed what I was eating. Till now, food was consumed to stay alive. Now once you’ve survived so you do not care for the world anymore I stayed in it, I can see beauty in life. You have to be thankful for to be alive. I have realized that love and faith can indeed work miracles. I have realized that love and friendships do have the power to transform your life.

What I learnt from it was, seeking help is not an attack on my dignity but therapy definitely helped me reclaim it.

Editing Courtesy: Snigdha Ghosh Roy and Puja Bhatia

Picture Courtesy: Google

How it all started?

Before Meeting My Counselor: Suman at Sanjivini mental illness hospital

I was becoming increasingly disregardful of my appearance. I had lost a lot of weight. These were the days when I simply could not meet my own eyes in the mirror. I stopped caring about my personal grooming. I was filled with a sense of impatience and urgency, like never before. It was all about now, now and now all the way. There was a persistent disturbance to conscious thought. I could not stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I started hating my face. I hated it so much. I hated myself in fact. The thought kept going round and round like whirlwind. They were spiralling wild. There were various images popping in my head time and again. I shut my eyes, trying to block them out. They just won’t go away. They ran amok like horses on a racing spree. I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to shout at the thoughts telling them to stop.
In-between all this I was hoping to fill that void that had been created because something had left me stranded in the middle of my life. I had managed to push aside what was gnawing my heart. The incident haunted me like a moonless night and stifled me unexpectedly every now and then. My life had fallen apart. I felt no love, no affection and care. It was like a precious memory I secretly harboured in my heart. It was sucking out my hopes, positivity and ambitions.
I spent the next few months lying on my bed and evaluating all the incidents while still managing my office. I did not feel like going out, meeting friends or in general facing people… so I didn’t. I stayed at home. It was stupid, it was unlike me… but I found comfort in it. Everything outside was just the same as before but I had changed. The people around me were normal, unaware of the storm brewing within me.

I tried thinking happy thoughts but nothing worked.  
It was just the worst part of my life.

 

 

Picture Courtesy: Puja Bhatia

Editing Courtesy: Snigdha Ghosh Roy